JACK'S BLOG
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OpinionSeriously. I read a review of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, the movie and the book, and the author wrote, “I would give Seth Grahame-Smith’s Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter 5 stars just for freshness alone. I mean, Abe Lincoln killing vampires? Yeah, that could have gotten real corny, real quick. It didn’t.” To be fair, I believe de gustibus non est disputandum [Latin: To each their own]. However, the next paragraph of the review gave me the creeps. “There has always been something creepy about Abe Lincoln. His life was marred by tragedy, his wife was obsessed with the occult, and he was freakishly tall and gangly [sic]. This book centers his creepiness in a way that any history buff can appreciate; Grahame-Smith 'vamps' up the real life events of Lincoln’s life in a big way. Not only does he 'revamp' Lincoln’s personal history, he rethinks America’s! After reading this, you’ll forever perceive slavery in a different light. A darker light.” This struck me wrong on several levels and I'm probably going to upset more than a few readers as I explain. So, hang on. It's going to be a bumpy ride. Abraham Lincoln is only creepy to a child who hasn't been taught history properly. Yes, his life was marred by tragedies, not the least of which was his wife's odd behavior. She also came close to bankrupting the family with her extravagant purchases in New York, ostensibly compensating for those other tragedies that she and her husband shared. Lincoln, on the other hand, somehow found the inner strength to console others with his compassion and humor. I suppose that could sound creepy to someone who might be narcissistic. Lincoln also had an uncanny ability to inspire the best in others. A young man whom Lincoln saved from the gallows for sleeping on guard duty following the Union rout at the First Battle at Manassas (Bull Run), went on to sacrifice his life heroically while saving others at a later battle. With his dying breath he begged for his comrades to inform Lincoln that he repaid his debt. I suppose that would sound creepy to someone who didn't understand the true meaning of valor and self-sacrifice to a higher cause. Abraham Lincoln might also sound creepy to someone who hasn't been taught to revere their country. After all, it was Lincoln alone who championed the cause of keeping the nation whole. His cabinet was unanimous in their opinion that the South should be allowed to secede. Of course, had they had their way, there would have been no “arsenal of democracy” to help free nations defeat fascism and communism in the Twentieth Century. There would be no free world to lead the fight against terrorism and religious fanaticism in the Twenty-First Century. I suppose that sounds creepy to an intellectual who believes that there is nothing special or exceptional about the United States. Ultimately, I am left to wonder why anyone, any woman would want to “revamp” Lincoln. The only plausible explanation I can come up with is that the author of this review is like one of the girls I knew in high school who liked the bad boys. My wife complains bitterly when I mention this. She wasn't one of them. But there were many girls who liked the boy who appeared dangerous. Anthropologists have hypothesized that females are attracted to dangerous males based on primitive desires to feel safe protected by such a man. That seems like a reasonable explanation for the behavior of primitive peoples. By extension, this may explain the current fascination with vampires who are, after all, the ultimate bad boys. However, there are more, like my wife, who understand that primitive behaviors don't necessary succeed in a modern world.
In an episode of Modern Family, ABC's popular sitcom, Alex Dunphy, the smart daughter, entices a group of geeks to do her a favor by flaunting her femininity. Haley Dunphy, the sexy sister who is attracted to stereotypically virile though dumb men, is taken aback that Alex can manipulate boys. Alex explains, “One day, your boyfriends will be working for my boyfriends.” Yes, it may be creepy to consider that brains will win over brawn, even vampire brawn. Which brings me to the creepiest part of the review that set off this rant. “In some places, this book is scarily convincing. Seriously, that gut feeling that Honest Abe was up to no good in his downtime will only intensify once you finish reading. It may not have been vampires, but *something* just might have been going down in the White House.” “Scarily convincing?” Are you kidding? News Flash: Vampires are not real! “...something just might have been going down in the White House?” Well yes, as a matter of fact. Starlets were going down under John Kennedy. Interns were going down under Bill Clinton. The economy is going down under Barack Obama. But, for the love of all that is decent, let us revere the memory of one of the few good men to occupy the White House. If your teachers failed to teach you that lesson, I can recommend a few good books. Oh, and as must be obvious to anyone who follows this blog, I am a history buff and no, I don't appreciate anyone's attempt to “revamp” Lincoln, nor do I need the metaphor of vampires to understand that slavery was and is an evil practice.
12 Comments
T
6/25/2012 03:17:06 pm
Three points:
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6/25/2012 05:28:04 pm
I rarely respond to comments. I've had my say. It's your turn. However, this, unlike my posting, is a personal attack. So, I get to respond.
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T
6/26/2012 03:29:58 am
Listen, it is absolutely not my intention to attack you personally. If you took anything from my first comment as a personal attack, I truly do apologize. However, I cannot help but disagree with the way you chose to respond to her. Yes, “her”, as you do mention her gender in paragraph 8: “Ultimately, I am left to wonder why anyone, any woman would want to “revamp” Lincoln. The only plausible explanation I can come up with is that the author of this review is like one of the girls I knew in high school who liked the bad boys.” 6/26/2012 04:12:55 am
I'm not sure how this "reply" will be displayed inasmuch as my blog apparatus does not allow for more than three levels of response in a discussion thread. So let me begin by observing that this is in response to "T's" assertion that he/she was not attacking me personally after saying that my blog post was "shameful and in poor taste." 6/26/2012 01:40:23 am
Apparently, the only vampires that Lincoln missed were holed up in the house of Mary Surratt. He should have known that bats and particularly vampires were bad to hang around Ford's Theater.
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T -> @AlaynaTea
6/26/2012 06:33:46 am
Okay. In every discussion there comes a point in which the two parties involved will never come to a consensus, will never agree and will never be persuaded. I think we've reached that point.
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6/26/2012 06:51:50 am
Yes, I share your opinion that we will simply have to agree to disagree.
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I found myself agreeing with your opinion of this film, Jack. There is nothing "creepy" about the president that saved our union and who is revered as one of the greatest presidents our nation has known. When I first heard the concept of this film, I had to smile because it was simply so outrageous, however I find that I have not gone to see the film and most of the reviews I've read about it have panned it. Perhaps, being a student of history myself, I simply see things in a different light than others.
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6/27/2012 10:48:27 am
I guess I didn't make myself clear. I have no problem with the film and book nor with someone liking them. You'll note that I began by saying "To each their own." (And I'll never express myself in Latin again.) It was the reviewer's comments having nothing to do with the film but rather their personal estimation of Lincoln as a "creepy" person that set me off on my rant.
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7/8/2012 06:22:42 pm
On a completely random note,and for no reason other than i thought an abe lincoln mask was creepy,i started wearing this abraham lincoln mask a couple years ago and started acting like a puppet or serial slasher.Well it kind of took off and now its become a staple of mine.I have even sold masks and played shows in front of others wearing the abe masks.I have been to Vegas and walked the old strip in the mask scaring people.They tipped me and took photos,while others ran in terror.I have also done this in Milwaukee at a few places.Eventually this whole Creepy Abe thing is going to become a phenomonem,that i can say i started back in 2009.You can see footage on the website i listed.Anyways,thought i'd share.
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Jeff Guckert
4/2/2013 03:07:58 am
Lincoln was always creepy. Guy killed thousands over a bloodless secession which was not an act of war.
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Jack Durish
4/2/2013 06:18:03 am
The Civil War was fought over a "bloodless secession"? You have a lot of study ahead of you if you have any ambition of learning the truth. Secession could have been decided in courts and public debate had the forces of the South not fired the first shots. Furthermore, the South shed the first blood. The shameful institution of slavery cost thousand of lives and untold human misery long before the armies of the North and South engaged in battle. Those who argue that the Civil War was fought over States Rights simply have no basis to their arguments. It was a war over slavery, and they declared it so in their articles of secession.
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